Speaking the Truth in Love
“Instead, speaking the truth in love….” (Ephesians 4:15a)
1. Criticism (Attacks the character of the person)
2. Defensiveness (Attempt to ward off perceived attack)
3. Contempt (Greatest predictor of divorce; “I AM RIGHT”)
4. Stonewalling (Withdrawing)
Antidotes for The Four Horsemen
1. The antidote for criticism is to make a complaint without blame.
2. The antidote for defensiveness is to accept some responsibility, even if only for a part.
3. The antidote for contempt is to create a climate of appreciation and respect.
4. The antidote for stonewalling is to practice physiological self-soothing.
Four Keys to Improving Your Marriage
Strategy 1: Calm Down
Strategy 2: Speak Nondefensively
Strategy 3: Find ways to validate the other
Strategy 4: Over Learning: Try and try again
Doyle Hamilton, Pastoral Counselor
Roswell Counseling Center, LLC